Michael
Haneke’s movie of aging and love as a horror story was disturbing and
strangely uplifting.His movies are
always like a punch to the gut and divisive, and this one is no different. That aside, this is a masterpiece.I really hope Emmanuelle Riva wins the Oscar for
Best Actress, especially since Jean-Louis Trintignant got snubbed.
2. "Django
Unchained"
Quentin
Tarantino knocked it out the park again.The rise of a surely doomed slave, with the help of the incomparable
Christoph Waltz, was a real crowd pleaser on every level, unabashed in its take
on slavery and racism.Has he made a bad
movie yet?
3. "Silver
Linings Playbook"
Funny and
moving with great performances all around.It’s an unfortunately named movie that initially scared me away, but
with David O. Russell at the helm, I trusted his skills as a filmmaker.The payoff was poetic, making it the
feel-good movie of the year. Where has Chris Tucker been all my life?
4. "Killer Joe"
I like
movies where I can’t figure out if laughing makes me a psychologically damaged
human being.Possibly my favorite Matthew
McConaughey movie of all time, as a lead, since I loved him as Wooderson in
"Dazed and Confused."Raw and unsettling, Gina
Gershon gives a brave performance as stereotypical white trash, and the scene
that earned this great film the dreaded NC-17 rating is disturbingly hilarious.
5. "Holy Motors"
By far the
strangest movie I’ve seen in quite some time, courtesy of Leos Carax.Following Oscar around for a day at work was surreal and runs the gamut as
far as emotions go. He's a banker, a beggar, a motion capture performer, a crazed kidnapper, a father, an accordionist, a killer, a dying old man and more during the course of one day. Heck of a job. Eerie, depraved, and
wildly imaginative, Denis Lavant is a tour-de-force.
6. "Moonrise
Kingdom"
Wes Anderson’s
style can sometimes bog down the material, but it doesn’t get in the way here.Poignant and ambitious, Anderson captures the
innocence of childhood in ways few would even try to attempt.He still has the magic touch.
7. "Zero Dark
Thirty"
The hunt for
Osama Bin Laden had many twists and turns, and Katherine Bigelow made another notable film about the so-called "War on Terror."Provocative and absorbing,
this controversial movie is only controversial because bigwigs in Washington
hate the results of waterboarding.Jessica Chastain is
proving to be one of our best working actresses.
8. "Looper"
One of the
best time travel movies, Rian Johnson continues to impress.Boldly conceived, allegedly with a little
help from Shane Carruth ("Primer"), the movie avoids what could’ve been an exercise in
confusion.One guy leaving the theater
said he needed to see it again to understand it all.He probably wasn’t very smart.Pierce Gagnon steals every scene he’s in.
9. "The Raid:
Redemption"
Non-stop
action has never been so fluid, brutal and beautiful. Iko Uwais fights his way to the top of a building with the unforgettable Mad Dog waiting. This genuine roller-coaster ride is one of
the best action movies I’ve ever seen on the big screen, and it truly redefines
the language of cinema.
10. "The Dark
Knight Rises"
Fitting and
satisfying conclusion to the Batman trilogy.Epic in scope, with Tom Hardy as a formidable foe and Catwoman as
formidable foil, I found this chapter in the trilogy to be a rigorous journey
fraught with Christopher Nolan’s unflinching love of the Batman character. Special
shout out to my boy Cillian Murphy, "Death by exile!"
11. "The Master"
Many of my
friends didn’t like it, but they just didn’t get it.I did.Paul Thomas Anderson makes thought-provoking films without easy answers, and I hope he continues to do
so.Standout performances abound as usual, and it made me want to start a cult. Like Tarantino, he hasn’t made a bad movie
yet, so yes, I also liked "Punch-Drunk Love," which is Adam’s Sandler’s best work.
12. "Headhunters"
One of the
best thrillers of the year.Stealing art
can be a messy business, and it thoroughly proves that you should be careful
who you steal from.Thrilling and
suspenseful, it was gripping from beginning to end.
13. "Argo"
Would’ve
finished higher if I didn’t already know how the film concluded, this
remarkable true story is the kind of movie Hollywood loves, because Hollywood
loves fawning over itself.Affleck has
directed three great movies, which makes me very excited about what he does
next.
14. "End of Watch"
Came out of
nowhere for me, the trailers garnering little interest in my psyche.One of the best gritty cop movies in years, I
found it to be unexpectedly affecting once the high-octane shenanigans simmered.A haunting piece of work.
15. "Life of Pi"
Might’ve
been in the top ten had I seen it in 3D.Gorgeous imagery and the best performance by a Tiger ever, which is an
impressive feat.Spiritually uplifting
and memorable, it certainly deserves to win every technical award at the Oscars.
16. "Robot and
Frank"
Frank
Langella can do no wrong (I’m still trying to forget about “Eddie”).This heartwarming story of an old man given a
robot to help him with everyday living is a winner.Teaching his helpful robot the art of
thievery, now that makes this movie edgy.
17. "Smashed"
I saw a lot
of myself in this movie.Mary Elizabeth
Winstead gives one of the best performances of the year as a struggling
alcoholic surrounded by bad influences, namely her husband.Her journey from lush to sober could’ve been
a Lifetime movie of the week, but proved to be much more than that.
18. "Chronicle"
Getting superpowers
can mess with your mind, and the three teenagers that acquire them in a
mysterious cave go off the deep end.Might be the best “found footage” movie to date and will have you on the
edge of your seat.
19. "Bernie"
Not the
biggest Jack Black fan, but he’s rather playful in this hilarious and somewhat unsettling
true story of Bernie Tiede, a guy everyone liked that became a murderer. Matthew McConaughey gives a great supporting turn as a cop baffled by the support behind Bernie. Rich and original, it’s an
instant classic!
20. "Klown"
Messed up,
disgusting, hysterical.The Dutch have
never made perverse behavior so riotously enjoyable.Fun for the whole family.
The Very Long List of Honorable Mentions
"21 Jump
Street" Not what I expected, and Ice
Cube drops a boatload of F-bombs
"Arbitrage"Richard Gere is so bad, yet you root for him
to get away with it
"Beasts of
the Southern Wild" Lyrical and
visionary, with Quvenzhane Wallis as the best discovery of the year "Brave" Not the best Pixar flick, but I liked it
nonetheless "Chicken With
Plums" A quality overlooked gem from the
filmmakers of “Persepolis” "Damsels in
Distress" Whit Stillman’s clever dialogue
alone made me enjoy it "Dredd" Extreme gore, violence, warped humor, loved
it "Flight" Some excellent alcoholism and cocaine use "Frankenweenie" Made me love Tim Burton again after "Dark Shadows" "Get the
Gringo" Mel still has it "God Bless
America" Rather relevant considering all
the gun violence headlines, and it’s directed by Bobcat Goldthwait (!) "Goon"Most people watch hockey for the fighting, eh? "Hope
Springs" Actors like Meryl Streep
and Tommy Lee Jones can boost mediocre material "Jiro Dreams
of Sushi" Allegedly it’s worth flying to
Japan to eat at Sukiyabashi Jiro, and I’m ready to board that plane "Killing Them
Softly" I have a thing for hitmen "No" A nice little history lesson about the
demise of the Pinochet regime in Chile "Oslo, August
31st" Some people can’t
escape their nature "Pitch
Perfect"The last movie I expected to
like; Fat Amy rules "Rust and
Bone" Can Marion Cotillard do any wrong? "Safety Not
Guaranteed"Independent cinema thrives
in another quality time travel movie "Seven
Psychopaths" Great cast, great script, and
Tom Waits with bunny rabbits "Skyfall" A nice recovery after that “Quantum of Solace”
debacle "Ted" Made this list simply because it featured the
elusive Sam Jones "The
Ambassador" Fantastic documentary about being a diplomat in the corrupt Central African Republic.. I
thought dude was gonna get whacked "The Avengers" A miracle that it actually worked, and Loki
is a great villain once again "The Cabin in
the Woods" Absolutely loved the last 20
minutes of mayhem "The
Gatekeepers" This exploration of the
Shin Bet was interesting "The Hobbit:
An Unexpected Journey" Absolutely loved
the high frame rate 3D "The Hunger
Games" I was entertained by Elizabeth Banks' attire "The
Hunter" Sad movie, and Willem Dafoe rarely
disappoints "The
Impossible" Move over Jamie Lee Curtis,
Naomi Watts is the new scream queen "The Kid with
a Bike" Why can’t they make movies like
this here in the states? "West of
Memphis" The justice system failed but
recovered, rather late, in the end
Other
Achievements
Best
Actor:Denis Lavant, "Holy Motors"
Best
Actress:Emmanuelle Riva, "Amour" Best
Supporting Actor:Christoph Walz, "Django
Unchained" Best
Supporting Actress: Amy Adams, "The
Master" Best
Director: Quentin Tarantino, "Django Unchained" Best
Screenplay:Rian Johnson, "Looper" Best Foreign
Language Film:"Amour" Best
Documentary:"Jiro Dreams of Sushi" Best
Cinematography:"Life of Pi" Best Score:"Life of Pi" Best
Animated:"Frankenweenie" Best Costume
Design:"The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey" Best
Make-Up:"The Hobbit: An Unexpected
Journey" Best Art
Direction:"Life of Pi" Best Special
Effects:(tie) "The Hobbit: An Unexpected
Journey"/ "The Avengers"
The Worst Movies
of the Year
"Lincoln":ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…
This year’s "A Dangerous Method."I like
history lessons that don’t beat you over the head with redundancy.Daniel Day-Lewis is one of my favorite
actors, and he’s good in this, but it’s so damn boring.Glad I didn’t see it in a theater, simply
because they don’t supply plush pillows.For
once, Steven Spielberg managed to leave me without any standout imagery.
"Les
Miserables":Russell
Crowe was grossly miscast as Javert. Often falls
prey to being unintentionally funny, although Hugh Jackman and Anne Hattheway
do some good work.I loved the stage play,
and I found the movie to be very disappointing.My girlfriend and I were laughing while people around us were
crying.Does that make us good critics
or heartless?
"Tim and
Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie":After
finding some praise for this abysmal “film” from a few friends of mine, I will
be re-evaluating my relationship with them, as well as Will Ferrell, Zach
Galifianakis, Jeff Goldblum, John C. Reilly and everybody involved with this
stinky garbage.
"Dark Shadows": Ouch. At least the Alice Cooper bit was hilarious.
"Total Recall":Another
unnecessary remake that removes everything that made the Schwarzenegger movie
so much fun.Brian Cranston sleepwalks
through his version of Cohaagen, and Kate Beckinsale’s constant sneer may become
something of legend.Inane and tedious.
"The Odd Life
of Timothy Green":So bad, and
beyond that, truly insulting.Check your
brain at the door for this stunningly sappy catastrophe starring Jennifer Garner.I would’ve rather watched “Elektra” again.
"That’s My
Boy":Another
unconscionable work from Happy Madison, and a justifiable bomb to boot.Sophomoric and unwitty, at least Peter Dante
had a funny line at the end, but I’m gravely biased in that case.
"Red Hook
Summer":Spike Lee’s
movie started OK before grandly going off the rails with a revelation about a main character presented in a really distasteful scene.The disclosure
made me cringe, and apparently I wasn’t the only one.Clint Eastwood still makes better movies.
"Red Lights":A pedestrian
thriller that’s just plain dumb.Featuring
Robert DeNiro gleefully hamming it up, his performance only detracts from the ridiculously
ludicrous dual plot twists at the end.
"Resident
Evil: Retribution":They’ll keep
churning out this rubbish until people stop paying to see it.Of course, it debuted at #1 in the U.S. box
office and made over $221 million worldwide, which says a lot.I saw it for
free, but Catalina and I will never get that 90 minutes back.Sienna Guillory gives arguably the worst
performance of the year.
"One for the
Money":Unwatchable.Katherine Heigl cannot be a lead
actress.On second thought, maybe she
should just go away.
"John Carter"/"Battleship"/"Savages":What a fruitful
year for Taylor Kitsch.Like Sucker
Punch before these turkeys, watching all that money burn on the screen is at once grandiose and
sickening.All three movies are unimaginative
at best, and I just didn’t care about any of the characters, especially Blake Lively in "Savages."Hope Kitsch has better luck with “Lone Survivors."
"Casa de mi
Padre":Even some
people I know who speak Spanish didn’t like it.So amateurish and irredeemably dumb. What were Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna thinking?
"Cloud Atlas":What a bloated
mess.I think the Wachowski’s and Tom
Tykwer should take a long break from allegedly doing dangerous drugs.This movie took cookie-cutter editing to the
extreme, and while some of the images were striking, everything else about this movie sucked.
"Cosmopolis":Truly
saddens me that David Cronenberg has made this list for the second straight
year.A truly pointless movie, and dare
I say dull, with none of Cronenberg’s signature flourishes.Cardboard characters never lead to a good
movie.Nice try Edward Cullen, he’s
lucky I didn’t happen to catch “Breaking Dawn 2.”
And the Worst
Movie of the Year is:
"Sparkle":Yikes,
Whitney Houston’s swan song is an utter disaster.The acting by American Idol’s Jordin Sparks, as
Sparkle, was predictably atrocious.The
story is a lot like Dreamgirls without any of the polish or showstoppers, and the cliched plot devices
used to elevate the material fell dead flat.I’ll never get those miserable two long hours back.I’m still apologizing to Catalina for taking her to this debacle:
