Tramp Stamp

When there’s initially strong electricity you wonder if you’re dealing with a freak, the kind that forces you to seriously consider entering the witness protection program. I’d never met anyone quite like Harper O’Hara. Like the winning method tested on Katherine Wentworth and Rebecca, giving out a courteous complement carries weight. Nice shoes or hairstyle, or even if the length of their skirt is tastefully done. Among other things, Harper is another female that loves my prized blue Bamboo Mau Kangol cap.Her saucy nature was unquestionable and refreshing, and the Captain Morgan delivered didn’t undermine our progress. I began having fleeting thoughts of making a smooth assault, one without any remorse, precondition or worse. I ended up getting beaten to the punch.I was flattered and needed to act upon it. To efficiently expedite the process past the rolls of red tape, it was mandatory to perform preliminary qualification exercises. I had Cliff oversee the obligatory Bash examinations, to ensure she could truly be a possible candidate for First Lady.

This was all happening, of course, under zero detection from her end. To protect the vetting process, Cliff was the control. To my jovial surprise, Harper mastered existential balance and began racking up bonus points for extra credit.

Her graceful confidence was consummate, a feat greatly foreshadowed when she was viciously slaying every man’s ego on the Del’s Saloon pool table. Her mental and physical poise quickly went from understated to splashy.

With her alluring talents comparable to a ruthless conqueror, one floor trick was spoiled by Cliff’s naïve concentration in spectacular fashion.

Moments later, after minor injuries and insecurities were brushed away, there was a triumphant attempt. Ronda would’ve loved scrutinizing the exhibition of these advanced techniques.

Without a doubt, the most bewildering files are of photos taken while blackout drunk.

Elder Chen once said, “To marry a girl, you have to know it’ll last at least two years.”

The pictures obviously became more lurid and risqué, echoing that shady wintry night near Keith’s BBQ pit. Memories captured in digital form never lie.

Nothing could be closer to the truth, and this truth was curiously jaded by mystifying riddles wrapped in timeless questions. Harper’s high score has led to significant movement on the board.

Being an advocate for full disclosure is something all presidential candidates should champion, so I challenge all my worthy opponents to do the same. We, as a people, must leave behind the slash and burn politics of the past; we must regain our optimistic vision of hope. With your help, the politics of personal destruction can finally come to an end. Lovely Harper agrees.

If Harper becomes First Lady, she’ll have been the best of the nominees.