Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Serial Collections

The hasty nightlife scene in Los Angeles has become increasingly dangerous due to unnecessary excess and pointed snobbery geared towards supposed underlings and bottom-feeders. In seeking more empirical data on the well known subject of lead extraction processes, I asked Skip for his honest opinion.Skip calmly classifies it as a rat race, "One that spoils our intellectual right to be human. In order to get ahead we elevate ourselves to levels unbeknownst to common integrities."

Stringent research shows that most women expect to be asked for their phone numbers by potential suitors, in which they might say:

1) "No."
2) "Sure."
3) "Yeah, sure." (but give a fake number along with the fake name)
Many ask this question too soon, without properly evaluating the lead and qualifying.

"I always ask for the phone number after five minutes, no matter what they say," says perennially crowned expert of extraction Lance Cannon. "I later weed them out over the telephone with my prepared cheat sheet, a quiz, ways to lead the talk."

Such preparations are less than tedious according to Lance, and his final numbers for the month of November were spectacular."I'm really the envy of everyone," he said, "but a lot of those digits are useless, mostly for show, and I'm fine with that."

The enduring battle to bed women attacks the senses in a progressive sort of manner, although many malicious methods employed dilute admirable systems by collectively raising the guards of unsuspecting females. I asked Lance if he thought women would give him their phone number if they knew he just asked for numbers from five other women.

"Probably not," he replied without hesitation.

I decided to see what some of my girls would say to that.

"Hell no!" -- Roxie, Santa Monica, CA
"Fuck that." -- Lara, Long Beach, CA
"Sounds like he's desperate." -- Rebecca, Anaheim, CA
"That's disgusting." -- Sandra, Sherman Oaks, CA
"If you're like that, probably wouldn't work out anyway." -- Janis, Hollywood, CA
"Kind of scary. You know somebody like that?" -- Nikki, Huntington Beach, CA

What is proven from this randomly executed examination is that the serial collection of phone numbers scare women away only if they know you're doing it. Lance adds that he sometimes does receive wrong information on purpose, but that it's part of the complex game."You have to play it cool," he said. "Girls want to give out their phone numbers, they want you to call them. In a way, girls are worse than honorable man-whores like me."

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